What Would We Do Without Sanji?
by BluePard
Summary: Spamfic. Sanji is sick, and the others are left with the burden. Set around episode 30ish.


WARNING: Events in this fanfic may reflect my current life and cooking skills. Character names may be spelled wrong as my DVDs declare the proper spellings to be "Roof," "Sauron," "Namey," "Lier Bu" and, best of all, "Sunkist." 

Although Zoro as Sauron is an idea for another fic, when again I'm too sick to realize I'm writing &#&*. 

Usopp reeled dramatically into the screen, posing with one finger pointed to the horizon. "All right! Let's head for--" 

"Can't." said Zoro. 

"Can't?" 

"Sanji has a cold or something," he explained, "Someone has to stay and take care of him." 

Nami twinned her eyebrows. "If he's sick, then who's making us breakfast?" 

"Well..." 

The door was kicked open, and Sanji leaned his head out, his mouth and nose covered by a mask. "Food's ready." 

"Yahoo!" Luffy leapt into the kitchen, leaving a bewildered Nami behind. 

"But that's unhygienic," She followed, but stood where she was rather than sitting down to eat. "You'll give it to the rest of us!" 

Luffy already had utensils, open mouth and drool at the ready. "Maa, maa, it'll be perfectly fi--" 

Sanji sneezed. 

After a moment's pause, he said, "We can just scoop that up." 

The others considered, but Nami interjected, "It was Luffy's turn to clean the floor this week." 

"Hehehe, I forgot." said Luffy from where he was eating off the floor. Anything was clean enough to eat off of, especially if Sanji made it. 

Zoro however, slouched in his seat and sighed, leaving it to Luffy. 

"Hey, don't worry," said Usopp, standing, "Among my many amazing traits is world-class cookery!" He ushered Sanji out of the way. 

"But..." 

"Sanji~" Nami delicately winked at him. "Can't you just lie down for a bit? It would worry me so much if anything were to happen to you." 

Sanji toppled like a house of cards, with flying hearts to match. 

* * *

"Tadaaa!" 

The others blinked in surprise. 

"Ooh, it looks good, Usopp!" Luffy grinned. 

"What is this?" said Nami. 

"Only the finest! Prime Ganymede Lobster with lemon and puree la foigone vingette, clam chowder on the fourth shell, turducken a flagrante, with heme white wine on the side." 

"Oooooooooooohhhhahaaha!" said Luffy. 

"Half those ingredients aren't on the ship and the other half," Cough. "You made up." 

Usopp tutted in Sanji's direction. "More things in heaven and earth, et cetera, et cetera." 

Zoro ducked his head down and whispered at Nami. "Oy, do you believe him?" 

"Not a chance." 

"So, what is it?" 

"Could be anything." 

They both eyed the food carefully. 

"Hey, hey, what's with the suspicious looks?!" Usopp said, "Luffy likes it!" 

Nami closed her eyes and brought her hands up in a shrug. "Luffy'd eat poison and ask for seconds." 

Zoro laughed. "That's true. You can't kill him." 

"What makes you think I'm trying to kill him?! Hey!" 

"Do I get to have any?" said Sanji from where he was lying, "Hello?" 

In the end, they hesitated too long, and no one but Luffy knows if Usopp can cook. 

"This is not going to work..." said Nami. "All right, let's--" 

* * *

"There you go," said Nami, presenting her meal, "Eat up." 

"All right! Thank you Nami!" Luffy didn't speak with commas. 

Zoro and Sanji tried it. Usopp was cradling his head in one hand, and side-staring at it. 

"So, what do you think?" 

"Ahhh, it's great!" 

Zoro swallowed carefully. These things had to be done tacitly, lest one offend and receive a boot to the face. 

"It sucks." 

"What did you say?!" 

"What did you make this with, garbage?" 

"If you must know," said Nami, crossing her arms, "I got it on sale." 

Usopp took an experimental nibble, and made a face even funnier than his usual one. 

Nami said her cooking was all the nutrition for a quarter of the cost, but she was promptly overruled. 

* * *

"This isn't edible!" 

"What are you talking about?" Zoro leaned back and continued munching. "Of course it is. I cooked it long enough to kill off bacteria and whatnot." 

"But that's _all_ you did." Nami said. 

"No, then I put salt on it." 

It looked like, just maybe, Sanji was crying. But that might have been just mucus. 

* * *

"Hehe!" 

The others stared, as though expecting the presented item to turn into something else. 

"Luffy, that's a glass of water." 

"Yup!" 

There was another long pause. With agitation thrown in. 

"Luffy..." Nami grit her teeth. "You ate it already, didn't you?" 

"Yup!" Luffy grinned better than the Cheshire cat, because the Cheshire cat was never that happy to have some half-cooked ingredients in its stomach. 

Zoro laughed and laughed. 

And this is why Sanji always cooks, even if he's sick or tired or half-dead. The path of the warrior-cook is hard, my son. Heed well. Heed well. 


End file.
